Dajana Yoakley
Are you eager to weave mindfulness and deeper connection into your parenting journey?
Join me, Dajana Yoakley, your guide on the peaceful parenting path and a mom of three, as I introduce you to Sarah Ezrin, author of The Yoga of Parenting, in a thought-provoking podcast episode that bridges the ancient wisdom of yoga with the art of parenting. 🌟
We have a heartfelt discussion of where everyday parenting trials become opportunities for growth, presence, and deeper connection. 🏆
👨👩👧👦 What Awaits Inside This Must-Hear Episode:
⯮ Exploring the Yoga of Parenting: Sarah shares insights from her book, unraveling how yoga principles can be applied to parenting. Discover the parallels between yoga and parenting, both striving for connection, grounding, and presence amidst life's chaos.
⯮ Beyond the Mat: Uncover the broader definition of yoga, far beyond physical poses, as a pathway to connect with nature, ourselves, and our children. Learn how these practices can help us navigate the challenges of parenting with grace and intuition.
⯮ Navigating Parenting Challenges: We discuss practical examples where yoga and mindfulness have transformed parenting moments from stress and disconnection to opportunities for connection and understanding. Sarah shares personal anecdotes and actionable strategies that any parent can adopt.
⯮ Mindfulness and Connection in Action: From the power of observing our children to integrating mindfulness into our daily routines, this episode is packed with simple, yet profound, ways to enhance our parenting experience and our relationship with our children.
⯮ and so much more!
This episode is not only a deep dive into the synthesis of yoga and parenting but also a treasure trove of evidence-backed strategies and heartfelt advice for anyone looking to infuse their parenting journey with mindfulness, compassion, and connection.
Whether you're a yoga enthusiast or a parent seeking new perspectives on raising emotionally resilient and connected children, this conversation is a must-listen!
🌈 Transform your parenting journey by tuning in to my enriching interview with Sarah Ezrin. Let's learn, grow, and embrace the imperfect, beautiful journey of parenting together.
Click here to listen or watch and begin your path to more mindful, connected parenting!
Learn More About Sarah Ezrin:
Sarah Ezrin Yoga Website
Connect with Dajana Yoakley @ Delight in Parenting
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• Step #2: Book a FREE 20 minute parent coaching consult with Dajana.
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Transcript
Hi, I'm Dajana Yoakley.
0:03
I'm a peaceful parenting coach and mom of three, and I'm delighted to give you the latest science-backed research on child development, parenting, and to support you in showing up as the parent that you want to be.
0:17
Hello, everybody.
0:18
Here I am with Sarah Ezrin, the author of The Yoga of Parenting.
0:21
I'm so excited to have you here today.
0:23
Welcome, Sarah.
0:24
Thanks, Dajana.
0:25
I feel like we've been spending the last month together.
0:27
So yes, I log on to just hang out with you.
0:31
I know.
0:32
Let's just do a zoom every day and just chat.
0:34
I love it.
0:35
I always learn something we go like we spark each other's interest.
0:39
So I'm very honored to be here.
0:41
Thank you.
0:42
I think that's because our you know, our kind of work with parents is really aligned in terms of showing up as a more present, peaceful, you know, calm, patient parent.
0:51
And you know, there's no perfect
0:53
parenting, but we're all on this journey together.
0:55
So it's like, you know, how can we resource ourselves?
0:58
How can we support ourselves?
0:59
And I'm so excited to talk to you today about your book, which is, you know, about yoga and parenting and what yoga and parenting have in common.
1:08
Maybe you can kind of talk to us a little bit about that, what the book is about and why parents might want to read it.
1:15
Yeah.
1:17
So I think, as you said, most of us are
1:21
it's parenting is hard.
1:22
I'll like back it up.
1:22
I was going to be very diplomatic, but I'm just going to say it.
1:24
Parenting is hard.
1:25
Right.
1:26
And, and our stress levels are high.
1:28
There's intensity.
1:29
I mean, even I had like a very good morning with the boys and I still was like, felt like I was running late.
1:34
Someone spilled yogurt somewhere, you know, this one wouldn't put his shoes on and like, you can feel your heart rate going.
1:40
And so I think we're all kind of seeking, like you said, we're seeking tools to help us anchor back into our
1:48
our presence, to be able to feel grounded.
1:51
And that's so much of what attracts people to the yoga mat, right?
1:55
I mean, at least for me, I know like I, you know, I'm a highly anxious person.
2:00
I am constantly ungrounded.
2:02
I mean, I think that's the great irony of many yoga teachers is like, we are not calm, cool and collected.
2:08
We are all very fast moving and scattered, but it's what attracted us to these more contemplative practices to begin.
2:14
2:16
So, you know, we may have different paths to get there.
2:19
But I do think, like you said, we're all trying to get to the same thing, which is this place of grounding and connection.
2:25
And that's what the book hopes to do.
2:28
You know, I think the one of the important things to start with in the beginning is that yoga is not just the poses.
2:33
And, you know, you and I know this because we talked about this a lot the last couple of weeks.
2:36
But I just, you know, for people that maybe haven't thought of it that way.
2:40
We have this very, very small, limited idea of yoga in the West as physical exercise.
2:47
But that really is like a fingernail.
2:49
It's like not even it's like, you know, it's like a tiny sliver.
2:52
It's a rice grain of the greater practice, which is all about connection, connection, connection, connection to nature, connection to others, connection to self, connection to something higher.
3:04
And I, you know, I'm like, as I'm reading the wisdom tradition texts, and as I'm doing the work on my mat, while also struggling as a parent, I realized, oh, this is the same goal in parenting.
3:17
This is what I want to be doing with my kids.
3:19
I want those moments of connection.
3:21
I want to connect to myself when I need to be intuitive.
3:24
And, you know, there's, and we can get into, you know, details about that.
3:28
But like, you know, like, for example, I just also, I like, I think stories really help, but like my, you know, my son was having some problems at school.
3:35
And the administrator's suggestions did not feel right in my body, you know, and it was really this moment of like, well, here we are, right?
3:44
A normal day is you're already anxious by the time you get to school because everybody's late and there's yogurt all over the car.
3:50
And, you know, maybe we should stop eating yogurt in the car.
3:52
Yeah.
3:54
But you know, you're already like heightened, you're already ungrounded, you're already feeling late.
3:58
And then you have someone of authority coming and talking to you and telling you about your child.
4:03
And if you're not connected to yourself in that moment,
4:07
or your child we can get swept up by you know what quote-unquote experts think and and not to say experts are wrong we need experts we need guides but this was a great example where the administrator of the school was was conveying a very different child than who I see at home and who was right in front of me and also what my stomach was telling me what my gut was telling me
4:29
And thankfully we ended up choosing a different school.
4:31
He's thriving.
4:33
I'm so glad we stuck to our intuition, but I 1000% credit my yoga practice with that.
4:40
Like that came from me moving my body on a mat and being like, oh, this doesn't feel right today.
4:47
And sitting for meditation and being like, oh, this is what's coming up.
4:51
For me, that was the path to that.
4:53
So my hope was like, okay, let's share different practices for people to find those access points.
4:59
Yeah, I love that.
5:00
It's really like kind of coming back to right, like the reconnection.
5:05
Because like you said, it's about connection.
5:06
And in parenting, that is the foundation.
5:09
But so often we become disconnected, like you just explained in that scenario, there's like a disconnect, something throws us a curveball.
5:15
And then we need a place or a pathway or journey to kind of reconnect and come back to because it's never going to be perfect, right?
5:25
Like you will spill yogurt in the car.
5:27
5:28
you know, the kid might act out in school and whatever, or maybe, you know, just not up to the teacher standards or whatever it is, right.
5:36
Or be misunderstood, whatever it is.
5:38
And so it creates some kind of disconnection, but we can always kind of find a place to come back to and reconnect.
5:44
And how does for people that do practice yoga, how does this kind of, how does this, how can they use yoga as kind of a reconnective place?
5:53
Yeah.
5:54
Well, I think it's a great question.
5:57
Yeah.
5:57
And there's a lot of different paths to it too.
6:00
I mean, again, I think it's like, what are we connecting into or reconnecting as you say in that moment?
6:05
So let's say you are exhausted.
6:08
You've been solo parenting.
6:10
Like if you have a partner, they're out of town, or maybe you're a single parent and you haven't had a break in a couple of days.
6:16
And then you've got the intensity of the morning, plus the thing happening at the school, coming to the mat for any length of time by yourself.
6:25
is, you know, self compassion is your that's something you are an expert on.
6:30
And what you do, we want to share with the world, that's something very kind that we can do for ourselves, get on the bat mat, move your body.
6:37
And that's a way to connect back into yourself.
6:40
But there's also different tools that we can do that don't have anything to do with the exercising side of it, the physical movements that can help us reconnect to our kids, for example,
6:51
breathing my son was losing it the other day I can't even remember what it was about you know what it was is that I I went into the garage and I didn't tell him where I was going and we our garage is like it's just out our front door and then it's a couple of feet away and I came back and he was like hyperventilating and I held him and I started to breathe more slowly and
7:13
and I could feel him.
7:15
And then like my breath was getting heightened because he was still heightened, but then he started to breathe slower.
7:20
And it was this really interesting cyclical experience where both of it was that that was co-regulation, right?
7:26
We were both, it wasn't one person doing it for the other.
7:29
It was both of us together breathing together.
7:32
And that's a very powerful yoga practice.
7:34
I mean, we do it when we're holding a warrior two pose, right?
7:38
You're doing it when you're
7:39
Learning how to like some people, you know, if you do inversions or jumping into things, we learn how to work with our breath in that way.
7:46
Well, we can also do it with our children, physically holding our kids and sinking our breath in together, which is really powerful.
7:55
Yeah, I love that because emotions live in the body.
7:58
And when we can be really mindful of what's happening in our bodies and consciously choose to kind of self-soothe or soothe with another calm nervous system, we're able to shift out of these difficult emotions.
8:13
And I think that's what I love so much about yoga is that
8:17
people get on the mat and then they're mindful about what's happening.
8:20
But when you're busy off the mat, you're running around doing a million other things.
8:23
You're not really somatically there necessarily.
8:25
It's hard.
8:26
It's harder to be there, right?
8:28
Yeah.
8:28
I mean, I always like, I have to credit this to one of my dear friends who's a teacher in LA, Joan Hyman, who had was describing a student of hers.
8:38
And she said her soul's not in her body.
8:41
And that like, that just nailed it for me.
8:43
I mean, this was years ago.
8:44
Like we were just talking about like somebody that was like fast moving in LA and like, you know, like, like coming, always coming to class late and always rushing.
8:51
And then I realized like, I'm like, oh, that's me.
8:53
That's me.
8:54
And I noticed those moments in parenting, especially.
8:57
And where am I in those moments?
8:59
So sometimes I'm, you know, I'm grieving, right?
9:03
There's like major events happening in the world right now.
9:06
So sometimes I'm distracted and I'm in heartbreak.
9:09
Or sometimes I'm just like, brainstorming an assignment that I have, you know, because I freelance right for different outlets.
9:16
So it depends where I am, but I'm not physically in my body.
9:20
And yoga is, as you say, it's this practice of moving in real time.
9:26
Because yes, I mean, we all know the body keeps score and trauma is stored in our body.
9:31
But when you do a movement practice or a mindful movement practice, like let's just group those all together, because now there's like movement dance and
9:39
But when you're doing, like you said, when you're trying to move while thinking about your moving, that's an anchoring tool.
9:45
It's much harder to be thinking about what the three poses to tighten your core is, which I was just responding to someone right now, when I am actually holding a plank position and really practicing supporting myself in that moment.
10:02
It's much harder to think about
10:05
my own heartbreak and loss when I'm working on you know doing things that are that are expansive and I really need to pay attention in my shoulders and notice where I'm holding so I yeah I mean it's like it becomes this physical tool this physical channel to access the present moment
10:22
Yeah, I love that.
10:23
And self-compassion, you know, the three elements of self-compassion first is the mindfulness, which mindfully rolling out the yoga mat, which I think, by the way, I think every mom, almost every mom has purchased a yoga mat somewhere and we all probably wear yoga pants.
10:36
So we've got those going for us, but if we actually roll out the mat and not just to lay down on it and rest for five minutes or to do cosmic kids yoga, we're mindfully choosing to like,
10:47
step on there for some sort of self-care some sort of mindful like you know acceptance of the moment and so that's kind of like the mindfully like choosing to step into onto the mat the yoga mat to be with what is and then the common humanity I think when people do yoga poses and
11:06
they're like other people have done the same pose for thousands of years like it's like there's this relationship with like others right and it when it feels difficult to do like difficult to do a pose it's like well it's not just difficult for me it's difficult for other people too it's the same parallel parenting right it's like you show up for breakfast you've got your coffee and then the kids start getting up and then sibling fights and people don't want to go to school and
11:33
people, other parents have been there too, right?
11:35
It's the same thing.
11:36
It's like you showed up, the mindfully showing up and calming humanity.
11:39
People have been there in these hard moments too.
11:41
It's hard to get, you know, one kid out the door and not to say, and it's even harder to do more than one, right?
11:48
And then kind of the self-kindness, self-compassion.
11:50
So maybe when you're doing the yoga poses, you're like,
11:53
the breathing helps you tolerate the discomfort, right?
11:56
And there's probably other, you know, you can share with us kind of other expert ways to kind of soothe the emotional, like, distress of the physical discomfort, right?
12:07
But the same thing is true in parenting.
12:09
Like, how do we show up for ourselves so we can get through the morning in a more kind, calm, patient way?
12:15
So I see a lot of parallels with that.
12:16
Yeah.
12:18
In terms of like the choice to get on both journeys and the practice, how it's really like the same practice of presence and kind of consciously living your life, even through hard moments, difficult poses, difficult moments in parenting.
12:37
12:38
And I think that that's like a very, very important piece of it.
12:42
But I want to backtrack to something you said in the beginning, which was like not lying down to rest for five minutes where I think that's what we really need.
12:49
Yes, we do.
12:50
Don't need because you and I talked last time about getting our heart rate up and getting comfortable in that.
12:56
Right.
12:56
And doing like a strong, vigorous flow.
12:59
But like, I'm an anxious person, my heart rate is already up there.
13:04
I am like I live in the sympathetic nervous system, you know, like I am just like fight or flight, that is me.
13:09
So I think sometimes giving yourself the opportunity and you don't even need a yoga mat, right?
13:14
We don't even need yoga.
13:15
I'm in a dress right now.
13:17
Go lay on your bed, sit down somewhere comfortably.
13:21
Stand up where you are and just feel your feet in the floor.
13:24
It's the embodiment piece.
13:26
And like you said in the beginning, I thought that key piece of the mindfulness, it's that like, I'm not just standing in line at Starbucks as my kid is like taking everything off the bottom shelf.
13:36
It's like, okay, you know what?
13:37
Like, this is like, what does it cost risk analysis?
13:41
Like nothing's breakable.
13:42
Everybody's fine.
13:43
The store is kind of empty.
13:44
I'm just going to feel my feet right now.
13:46
And just, you know, like come back into myself before I respond to my kids.
13:51
Like, to me, that's going to be way more potent than having to like, because we don't have as parents, it's so much harder to find that perfect time to go into space, unroll the mat, then do the practice.
14:04
And, you know, when what most of us really need is the pausing and the slowing down.
14:09
I love that.
14:09
Yeah.
14:10
I mean, because like you said, we're all tired and overwhelmed and sleepless, you know, we haven't slept since the kids were born.
14:18
Some of us at least through a full nights of rest.
14:22
Right.
14:22
And even if we do sleep like through the night, a couple of nights in a row, it's like, it's not enough.
14:27
You need like years now to recoup from the baby stage, even right.
14:30
Having a baby for a year or a highly sensitive toddler that doesn't sleep very good at night.
14:37
It's exhausting.
14:38
Can I just say though, so I've always been an insomniac, right?
14:41
Like, hello, that's the theme of the tune in the last 20 minutes.
14:46
I'm very anxious.
14:47
So I've always had insomnia.
14:48
I've always really, really struggled.
14:51
What I started doing is I started waking up really early just to have time for myself to meditate, to have my tea, to like do that's when I work.
15:01
You know, that's like a lot of the time that I worked and I'm so exhausted.
15:04
So I wake up at 4.30, but I'm so exhausted by nine that I pass out.
15:09
And I actually am able, I mean, I'm still waking up multiple times, but I feel like I'm getting a better night's sleep now because I'm so tired from waking up.
15:19
And like, yes, I also have the toddler who's having a sleep regression right now.
15:22
My one and a half year old was like, you know, he just was like, he needed us, you know, cut for like hours last night.
15:29
But I don't know.
15:29
I just, I think like as somebody that always had sleep issues
15:33
I'm thinking more like quality as opposed to quantity.
15:36
Like I used to think I needed nine hours, but now I'd much rather get six solid hours.
15:41
If I can get six through, that's like, I'm like a new woman dancing.
15:45
I don't know if you feel that way, but that, but part of the trick has been waking up really early.
15:52
Some people are night people, but it just sets you up.
15:55
Cause you're, so you're so tired, but then, you know, nighttime is very hard.
15:58
Yeah.
15:59
No, I'm actually doing the same thing now as you.
16:02
I used to try to stay up later and then having to get up early because the kids had to go to school and whatever and work.
16:07
But now I do go to bed quite a bit earlier.
16:11
And I wake up probably around the same time as you.
16:14
And I feel so much more rested.
16:15
It's like seven, eight hours of sleep, right?
16:17
I used to think I needed nine or 10.
16:18
But I think when you're getting that earlier sleep, like 9pm, 10pm sleep, you're
16:23
that deeper sleep earlier in the night, it is more restorative than going to bed at like 11 or later, you know?
16:30
So I have a whole chapter on this and I'm not an Ayurvedic expert, but Ayurveda is the sister science to yoga.
16:38
And it's all about learning to live in harmony with the elements, with nature.
16:44
And there's something called like the Ayurvedic clock, which is about
16:49
Certain times of day activate different types of energy.
16:53
Now, again, I'm not an expert, like look up Catherine Templeton or Ayurveda by Siva for other experts, and we can maybe link to it.
17:01
But the belief is, is that there are certain chunks of day that are meant to be the times that you generate the times that you rest.
17:08
and the times that you kind of coast.
17:11
And it's like, you're always going through this cycle.
17:14
And the belief is if you stay up past 10, you get a second wind.
17:18
So that becomes another time of generation.
17:22
It's meant to be generation while you're sleeping.
17:24
It's meant to be a time where your body is assimilating and digesting and your cells are regenerating.
17:30
But if you stay awake cognitively, then your brain is gonna be up doing the same thing.
17:35
So that becomes that second wind.
17:37
And then similarly in the mornings, 4 a.m.
17:39
is supposed to be like that light and bright time to wake up, which I know people are like, oh my God, it's so early, four or five.
17:45
But then sleeping till seven becomes this much heavier, slower time again, because it's meant to be like a time of digestion.
17:51
So it's just a really interesting science.
17:54
Again, I am no expert.
17:56
That was like a very broad strokes.
17:57
I think the big takeaway is pay attention to your patterns.
18:02
Just like you and I notice, I do the same thing.
18:04
I'll sleep in till seven.
18:06
And I'm exhausted all day long where I wake up at four 30 on the dot and I'm like super energized.
18:13
So I think, you know, my, the takeaway would be pay attention to your own patterns, notice the times that work best for you and that there is a circadian rhythm, right?
18:23
There is.
18:24
And, and, you know, also things to consider, like how much light are you being exposed to before bed?
18:28
Right.
18:29
you know, different things that are kind of messing with those rhythms.
18:32
How much caffeine are you consuming during the day?
18:34
You know, which like as parents, like, oh my God, when we talked earlier about having a coffee mug the size of your head, like at what point do you cut yourself off?
18:42
And I've got my green tea.
18:44
I have my coffee in the morning.
18:45
I like the B, B, what does it say?
18:48
Well, this is decaf by the way.
18:50
This is B positive.
18:52
But I have two, two of these in the morning full of black tea.
18:54
Like, do I really need to?
18:56
And then like, why am I anxious all day?
18:58
So I think it's just that invitation.
19:01
This is what the yoga practice does is the invitation to pay attention to our patterns and then to notice them within the greater family systems.
19:09
And that's the cool thing about the practice, right?
19:13
It's like, it just becomes, everything becomes an experiment and you approach everything with curiosity.
19:18
I love that.
19:19
I think you're so right.
19:20
Like noticing our own
19:22
patterns.
19:23
And I think we don't usually take the time to reflect on this, but it's so important to notice because especially when things are not going well, like something's regularly happening, that's irritating or disruptive or disconnecting in your family's life, like a daily cycle of disconnection or, you know, it's something that you want to change.
19:41
Is there something in your data that you want to change?
19:43
Take a closer look at that, become a little bit more curious about it.
19:46
Maybe there's something you can tweak in a way that you never even
19:50
thought about before some innovative way where you can change something else slightly and then it kind of is a little smoother right um because why not enjoy your day delighting in yourself delighting in your kids right like if if you know that that's out there can you get a little closer to that by just getting more curious about what's not working and and trying to find some ways to support yourself
20:14
And I love that your book, I want to say real quick, because I'm an A type and a perfectionist.
20:18
And as we're saying this, yes, I think I think the caveat to that is you don't need to change everything immediately today.
20:27
Like you're not going to change everything, right?
20:29
It's just like pick one thing to start to observe.
20:33
So like something really simple is like, what time am I going to bed?
20:37
Just noticing what time am I going to bed?
20:40
notice it for a week, adjust it for a week, see what happens, right?
20:44
So you're not trying to change everything because I know like I want to ace the test and then I get overwhelmed and then suddenly I'm disconnected from my kids again because I'm like so swept up and like, oh, but I got to journal this and then I got to write this down and like, what food did I eat today?
20:58
Like, no, no, no, just-
21:00
you know, from the self-compassionate lens, just, you know, it's just one thing to kind of pay attention to and to start to shift and notice how by taking care of you, that starts to shift the dynamics that may be concerned you in the parenting.
21:15
Yeah.
21:15
And that was going to be my follow-up question is that, or a comment is that your book really focuses on imperfect parenting.
21:21
Not, you know, not that we're lowering our standards, but we're, we forgive ourselves when we
21:27
When we aren't perfect, we aren't showing up.
21:29
And it really like brings this, it's like a whole different perspective.
21:32
Like the goal isn't perfection.
21:34
The goal is, what would you say in summary of your book?
21:36
What would you say is the goal?
21:38
If not perfection, what is the goal of parenting?
21:41
I think goal is, is not even the right word, right?
21:44
Yeah.
21:45
Cause again, and I'm like, this is like, I love goals.
21:48
Like give me goals.
21:50
This is especially important for perfectionists.
21:52
21:52
Oh my gosh.
21:53
And like, it's like why I stopped even writing like, you know, resolutions like now in the new year, I'm like, no, no, I think it's the intention and the intention has to come back to connection.
22:06
It's always about connection.
22:08
It doesn't mean that you're connected 24 seven because that's an impossibility, right?
22:11
Like we are of the world.
22:13
I have to put food on the table for my kids, which means I have to be out and fulfilling my Dharma, which is my purpose in my job, right?
22:21
And not everybody's job is their Dharma.
22:23
Some people, like so many of us are just like doing it for the paycheck and we have to do that, right?
22:28
To feed the kids.
22:29
There has to be a moment where we have to separate from them to go and do that.
22:33
That is just part of the stage that we're in.
22:37
But the reconnection when we are together, those times where we are together and P.S., like what's the research?
22:42
It's like it only has to be 30 to 50 percent of the time where we are deeply connected and attuned.
22:48
So those are the times to really, really relish.
22:52
And like, for example, coming back to this morning, I was very spacious this morning because I've been taking my phone and putting it in a different room.
23:02
Cause I'm noticing in the mornings, like I'm working, I'm like, by the time everybody's up, I've had my two giant mugs of black tea.
23:09
I've already like emailed the world and like, you know, they get up and I'm like, let's go.
23:13
But I also am in this kind of like work mode.
23:16
So the kids will be in the, in the kitchen getting ready for school and eating breakfast.
23:21
And I'm like checking my phone compulsively.
23:23
I'm disconnecting or I'm jumping ahead to what I need to work on next.
23:28
So something that's been very helpful is just moving my phone completely out of sight because it's, you know, and they've done studies on this.
23:36
It has to be like out of sight, not even in your pocket, not in a drawer, in a different room.
23:42
And that was really helpful because it was all those things together, right?
23:45
I had my time this morning to myself.
23:47
I got to meditate.
23:49
I had, you know, filled my cup literally and figuratively.
23:53
I didn't have my phone.
23:53
I chose to be connected.
23:55
So when there were disconnection things that were happening, like the yogurt all over the car, like a fire hose, or, you know, this one losing it because they want this and this one getting scared, I could stay connected to them.
24:08
Or if I felt a disconnect, come back much more quickly.
24:11
Mm hmm.
24:12
Mm hmm.
24:13
Yeah, yeah, I love that.
24:16
If you were to kind of summarize for our listeners, what would be some practical ways to kind of take the rights or not the rights of perfectionists, take the next step based on your writings in terms of becoming a more connected parent, what would be some practical tools you could say they could start doing today?
24:37
Well, one of the activities that I have in the book that I just love is to be an observer, to really like, you don't have to be involved.
24:47
You don't have to be engaged, which I know is hard because I've got kids that want to play with me too.
24:51
But if there is some time during the day, whether it's five minutes to 20 minutes where you can pull back and really just watch what's happening, that's a wonderful way to
25:02
to be able to pull back and really get an aerial view of the dynamics and what's happening in the family.
25:08
It's also a really wonderful way to have appreciation because there's that space, right?
25:15
Like, and, and like this means that they have, they're going to make a mess.
25:19
They're going to do what they're going to do.
25:20
Right.
25:21
Like, cause like my thing is I'm like, you know, chasing them with the dust buster every five seconds and like putting all the toys away.
25:27
But if I, if I know I'm going to set a timer for 10 minutes and my job is to sit here on the couch, no phone, right?
25:34
Set your timer by looking at a clock or something or set, you know, on Alexa or something like that on your Echo, but set your timer, sit on the couch and just watch them for 10 minutes.
25:44
And that's your job.
25:45
And like, obviously they'll want you to intervene.
25:47
And you know, if there's danger, you want to, you need to.
25:50
But if you're able to just sit and watch, there's something really amazing where it just
25:55
Because I think when we're just in it, right, like we're so deeply in it, it's like we're in the trenches literally.
26:02
But if we can pull back and get that aerial view, we can really see the entire beautiful opportunities and paths and where is this going and where can this go and where have we come from?
26:14
It just really makes it much more spacious.
26:17
It's one of my favorite activities.
26:19
I love it.
26:20
I love just pulling back and watching my kids.
26:24
Something that reminded me when you said that is I had been given this tip to whenever you have really special moments in your life, pretend like you have this camera and just like frame it in your mind and just look at it and kind of take like a mental snapshot of it.
26:40
And I've done that several times throughout like really special occasions in my life.
26:44
And they kind of do really come back as like a recall because it's that intention to like be really mindfully present of what it is right now.
26:51
Embodying it.
26:52
noticing it observing it um and kind of freeze framing it for yourself so you can remember it too right because kids grow up so fast you know as the grandparents tell us you know there'll be adults before we know it uh enjoy them while you can right but it's so hard because you know like you said they're over there on the couch starting fights or throwing stuff like you know Cheerios in the in the cracks feeding the dog their dinner whatever it is um
27:20
It's hard to, it's hard to do that.
27:21
But every now and then to just observe what's happening in your living room.
27:25
I think also paying attention to the flow of energy, because there are, I found like, especially traveling with them, right?
27:33
Like I've got a four-year-old and a one and a half year old, like it is intense and you're late and you're this and you're that, but there's always going to be a moment of pause.
27:41
So when there's that moment of pause, like really allow yourself to be in that moment of pause.
27:47
And maybe it is like you're rushing to get somewhere and then you're in line and you can all take a break and a breath.
27:54
And then they start destroying, you know, whatever the souvenirs are on the bottom shelf.
27:58
And then, you know, you're back to that again.
28:00
But then there's like later on, you're having snacks and you're sitting and everybody's quiet for a second and you're just taking it all in.
28:07
And then of course they're running around, you know, then you've lost it again, but there's like, it's really leaning in or when they're in, you know, getting in the car, that moment in the car, they finally fall asleep.
28:17
We savor that one, but I think it really is just finding these moments that, you know, so it doesn't have to be like a 30 minute meditation by yourself in the morning.
28:26
It's these seconds at a time that you're accumulating with your kids where you're all pausing together and, and naming it too.
28:35
You know, like I, it's my youngest or my eldest, sorry, who's four is very much like me.
28:42
And like, he's an introvert.
28:43
And when we drive in the car, we all pick a different song.
28:46
Everybody gets to pick a song and we go around and he picks many times sitting in silence.
28:51
He's like, I would like to sit in silence.
28:55
Like I must've fed that to him at some point.
28:57
Like, I don't think he made up sitting in silence.
29:00
I think like, maybe I said, oh, you just want to sit in silence one day when he didn't have a song to pick, but now that's his choice.
29:05
I want to sit in silence.
29:07
And we have those moments of calm and quiet.
29:10
So anchoring into those because they do exist.
29:13
Even in the most intense moments, there are pauses, finding those and really savoring them.
29:22
Yeah, I love that.
29:23
That's present parenting, right?
29:24
You're there.
29:25
You're there in the moment.
29:26
And then when things are challenging and emotionally turbulent, you can be with that too.
29:31
You can be present with that too without feeling like it's going to overtake you.
29:35
Yeah.
29:36
29:36
And I think like being present in those calmer times is what gives you the space to be able to take those.
29:43
Right.
29:43
Because you're it's again, it's that just that view.
29:47
And, you know, rather than being like face first and everything, having just much more space to to really see and experience and feel and learn and listen.
29:57
Yeah, I love that.
29:59
And to see the parenting journey as a full kind of comprehensive journey and kind of experience versus just the stress of it or just the yogurt that's spilled on the car.
30:11
So I love that.
30:12
Thank you so much.
30:13
Like in the car seat, like where the buckles are, like in...
30:19
Time to take it out and then hose it all off.
30:21
Yeah, I mean, it's like, but then they just do it again three days later.
30:25
So you're like, do we just live in mold?
30:28
Do we clean it every five seconds?
30:32
I love it.
30:32
I love it.
30:33
Yeah.
30:34
And they can help make a repair too.
30:35
They can help wash it off too, I guess.
30:37
That's another opportunity for connection, right?
30:39
To bring them together.
30:40
And it's a family activity.
30:42
I do.
30:43
I do.
30:43
I've been teaching them to clean up their messes.
30:45
I mean, even if it's just like when they're super young, making a much bigger mess, which it often is.
30:49
Yeah.
30:50
Just to like participate, right.
30:52
As part of it.
30:53
Um, and they love it now.
30:54
Now my little list is like, you know, on broom duty all the time.
30:57
I love it.
30:58
He's like, so stoked.
31:01
It's better to start early.
31:02
Yeah.
31:03
It's good to start that early.
31:04
Otherwise, if you do it later and they're preteens or something like that, they will not be happy about cleanup duty.
31:10
No, no, definitely not.
31:13
Awesome.
31:13
Well, can you share a little bit about where people can find you and a little bit more about, um, you know, where they can find you on social media website or yeah.
31:20
Yeah.
31:20
Yeah.
31:21
I mean, uh, so my, my main hub is probably my website, which is Sarah and you can send me messages through there and.
31:29
It's got all the links to some on-demand classes that I have through different outlets.
31:33
I've got a course out right now called the yoga of parenting on meditation university, which is part of meditation magazine, which is exciting.
31:40
Awesome.
31:41
And then I think I'm most active on social and Instagram probably, but you know, it's always changing and you know, really just, I just love connecting in any, any way, shape or form.
31:52
So you know, wherever you see my name, if there's an opportunity to reach out, please feel free to.
31:57
Awesome.
31:58
Awesome.
31:58
Thank you so much for joining me today.
31:59
It was really great talking to you.
32:01
Thank you for doing this.
32:02
I'm so excited to have this in the world in the longer form because the summit was so great.
32:07
And we talked about it was like a little more ethereal.
32:09
So this is like, I'm really excited for this.
32:11
Yeah, it'll be more permanent than the summit.
32:14
Awesome.
32:15
Thank you so much.
32:18
If you enjoyed this podcast and would like additional resources to support you in your parenting journey, my free gift to you is access to my parenting membership with a free 30 day trial where you'll find bite-sized video and audio strategies, scripts, masterclasses, a private community with parents just like you and weekly group coaching calls directly with me and so much more.
32:40
Go to delightinparenting.com backslash membership to learn more.